I'm sorry to hear you've struggled in the past, but I love seeing that you are determined to get better and improve your relationship with food.
We've all had poor relationships with food, hence us all being here, and which ever side of that relationship we've been on, it's a daily struggle to get out of old habits and think in a different way.
Would I be right to assume you've joined with an actual group, or have you done it online? If you've joined with a group, have you spoken to your consultant about your past struggles and your recovery?
The best thing I can advise I guess would be to take it in small steps.
It does look daunting that you can eat so much food, but it's just that all that food is available to you should you want it. There shouldn't be anyone telling you you HAVE to eat huge platefuls. You make the plan fit around you and your preferences.
With regards to the Syns, is there anything that you really enjoy that isn't on your free food lists?
It doesn't have to be much. Maybe some yogurts that have a syn value? Or any sauces that you'd like with your meals?
You shouldn't feel bad about Syns, but I can see that you may think you should feel that way because of your history.
I have very little knowledge and experience of anorexia personally, so I hope you'll bear with me and my questions
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