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Apr 6th '18, 12:04 PM  
Socially Shy
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 1
Likes: 1

Need some help and advice

Apologies as this will be a long one. I hope you do give it a read though.

As Iím writing this Iím a month away from turning 32 and Iím still as fat as Iíve always been. I always seem to have the same conversation with myself at the same time every year, when Iím a month away from being another year older. I remember being 20 and saying to myself, I donít want to be this way at 21, then it was by the time Iím 25, then 30 and now Iím staring at 32 thinking, when will I actually get myself healthy? I donít want to wake up at 40, struggling to get out of bed in the morning, with clothes that barely fit and a heart that struggles to work. I donít want to be in an over sized coffin with a tombstone that people look at and say, 40, no age at all. I want to live a long and full life. And the only way Iím going to achieve that is by losing weight.

I can already feel myself breaking down, at 31 I should be in the prime of my life. However I canít honestly remember the last time I ran, rode a bike, climbed a mountain or even just went for a walk and didnít feel like I was in agony. I see people online doing all these amazing physical things, and I just think how great it would be to wake up in the morning and go for a run, purely for the fun of it. However all running does right now is hurt my knees and back and after a few minutes Iím too out of breath to continue. I hate that.

I donít buy clothes that often because, quite honestly, I just hate how I look in them. I donít really feel that I deserve nice clothes. Iím in a XXXL shirt and struggle to get clothes that fit. I typically have to go to expensive ďBig & TallĒ shops to get what I need. Iíd love to be able to just walk into any random high street shop and buy something off the peg. Not have to constantly ask that embarrassing question of, what size do you go up to? And then sheepishly walk out of the store when they say XXL, and in most cases their XXL is really just an XL in disguise.

Iím extremely lucky to have a wife that loves me. I know sheíd love me if I was 5 or 50 stone and I feel exactly the same about her. I just donít love myself. I find myself always making excuses for not wanting to go out. I donít really like social gatherings as I just constantly feel self conscious about myself. Even things like a family buffet or going out for a meal, I have this feeling in the back of my mind that people are just judging me for what Iím eating. Saying things to themselves like, ďlook at that fatty, why doesnít he just choose the salad?Ē I know this isnít the case and my family would never think that about me, but itís not the rational side of my brain engaged at that time. Itís the self conscious fat kit whispering in my ear. Then I get sad and just want to go home.

I want to be able to get dressed up and paint the town red with my wife. Unfortunately right now most of my shirts donít even button up. My wife is kind about it, saying they look better open with a t shirt underneath anyway, but those are just kind words from a loving wife. They donít look better like that, they look better buttoned up with a nice tie and pants. Not open with a t shirt and jeans. Itís the one thing I want more than anything, to be able to go out and have nice evenings out together. Go to clubs and bars, and just feel like teenagers again. Iíd love that so much, right now though, I just donít have the enthusiasm or confidence to do it.

So, this brings me to today. Set here thinking, I need to make a change. Where to start though? The easy decision, go on a diet. Iíve tried a million diets over the years. The problem that I have is that I truly am addicted to food. Itís so easy for people to say, just go on a diet, just eat less. Just get off the couch fatty. When, in reality, unless you have been big yourself, you donít know how hard it is to break that relationship with food. It controls all aspects of my life. Iíd love to be able to just not think about food at all and live off salad and vegetables for the rest of my life. Itís just not as easy as that though. When I go on a diet I get genuine withdrawal symptoms that can only be described as such.

So, I need to break that addiction, and honestly, I just donít know how. The frustrating part that I have to deal with is that when I do go on a diet, and genuinely stick to it, I just donít even seem to lose weight. My last stretch of dieting lasted for around 3 months. I counted every calorie that went into my body. I was burning around 3500 calories per day or more and eating no more than 2500 per day. Good, healthy food too. By the power of calories in vs calories out, I should have been losing 2-3lbs per week. Unfortunately I only lost a few lbs, and then nothing, just a great big plateau. It is really hard to stick to a plan when you try youíre best, yet nothing changes. It is soul destroying.

So the best option would of course be exercise. What to do though? At my current weight the easy options, like going for a run, are just out of the question. I canít face walking into a gym and the thought of going to a public swimming pool just fills me with dread. So, what to do, I need to do something but honestly am just at a loss. I donít even know where to begin.

There is no quick fix, I know that. I just need help being educated on what my body needs. What exercise I can do that will have low impact on my joints but give me results. Iím hoping this can reach someone who can help me. Because quite honestly, if I donít get help now, who knows if Iíll even be here in 10 years to think to myself one month before my 42nd birthday, that I donít want to be like this at 43.

Thanks for reading. If you know anyone that might be able to help please feel free to share this so they can see it. Just, please, if youíve nothing nice or helpful to say, simply say nothing at all.

Thank you.
Apr 6th '18, 14:35 PM  
SoSlim Newbie
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Aberdeen,UK
Posts: 81
Likes: 7

Hi I know how you feel... my mum was so very big and unfortunately she never managed to help herself or get/ask for help. She died when I was 15yo and I wish I was older at that time to help her. Me and my sister straggled with our weight after giving birth. Iím a comfort eater and I got myself to size 18 and I always swore I would never get there as from family experience it ends badly. I went through tough times recently and just didnít cope so I ate and ate. I have loads of people around me who are loosing weight with SlimmingWorld and I decided that enough is enough and joined the group... than I gave up after first meeting as couldnít take my son along to the next group and started with eating more!😭 but no let long after I joined online SW and here. Posting photos of what I eat and food diary at home keeps me motivated. I was supposed to do some running and other activities but right now Iím just happy with slowly loosing weight while eating as much as I want and itís healthy. Running 🏃*♀️ I will do later when I will loose more weight. Donít give up! So many of us are trying our best and not always is perfect. But donít stop after one fail, each step is good even a small one! There is so much great food you can eat and not feel hungry. Itís just take time at the beginning to learn what is good for you and how to put all this together to make delicious food that you will enjoy eating and loosing weight st the same time!
Apr 13th '18, 10:28 AM  
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Here!
Posts: 5,721
Likes: 615

Hi Graeme

Welcome to Social Slimmers

That first change of food is a struggle for everyone, same for getting active... it's the hardest part of finding that healthy you but once you zone in it becomes natural choices most time.

Calorie counting does work and often it is about calories in and out but if you have a lot to lose you also need to be looking at what those calories in include. Sugar? Too much carbs? Are you having enough calories? Believe it or not under-eating can cause a plateau.

Are you drinking PLENTY of water. 3 litres daily ...?

You don't have to break a relationship with food you just have to find new food habits you enjoy. For example if you have counted your dinner and a cake in your daily calories count swap the calories for more protein (meat, fish, etc) and more veg and for pudding have some raspberry jelly and some fresh fruit berries ... another fav of mine is sugar free jelly, dollop of Total 0% and defrosted frozen berries.

At my biggest I found a really quite run route because I needed that comfort zone and slowly was able to venture further as my confidence grew and I realised it didn't matter what other people thought if they even thought anything at all. I see people all the time and think quietly GO YOU, no not everyone will understand and I know I do because I've been there but this is for you and don't let any thoughts stand in your way. Other people are not important.
Power Walk
My tip is don't set yourself a long term target... buy a sports watch and compare your distances and times as you progress or set yourself a mile walk, power walk etc it doesn't have to be 'running' then as time goes on you will find yourself picking that pace up.
Weight Train
This is an awesome fat burner. Again remember this is for you and you don't know where others started. People sometimes can't believe I was size 20/22 at one point. Look at your local gyms, not the 'spa' and 'leisure' facilities kind you want crossfit/strength and conditioning. Don't be put off by all the fit people you see with 'crossfit' it simply isn't everyone. Also if budget allows a PT with nutritional support can be highly beneficial in lot's of ways just not with your food and physical activity but it allows you to find your comfort zone, start feeling motivated for more and gaining some self belief.
You may find this a great alternative to running and less heavy on the joints.

The only other thing I would advise is ACCOUNTABILITY ... make yourself accountable. A diary of food and activity can really help. On those days you ate those 2 chocolate bars and didn't go for that power walk... when you share that it gives you motivation to say "tomorrow will be better'. Use a blog, a journal here, SW groups or even a nutritional coach.

And ALWAYS say to yourself ... I CAN DO THIS #repeat over an over again and believe in yourself.
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